Just a quick note to let you know you can keep up with me and my dogs at http://deardogma.wordpress.com/ See you there!
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Thursday, March 06, 2003
Lists. What on Earth would I do without lists. AD/HD people will understand exactly what I'm talking about... but for those of you with less than a "charmed" life, let me explain.
With an ADD brain it is incredibly difficult to be organized. We over focus on some things, and on others it seems we are never able to focus enough to get a task even part way done. Without lists our lives would be chaos.
I feel like I'm always writing lists. I have a list of things I'd like to get accomplished today. There is a list of things that I need to finish this week. Another list tells me what needs to be done when the next pay cheque comes in. There is yet another list to remind me of people I am supposed to contact in the next few days. I have a list for almost everything.
Having a grocery list is normal. I write grocery lists. :) However, I also have 101 other lists to help me keep on task and not totally lose myself in something I enjoy. Of course, there are days when even a million lists wouldn't help me. *lol* But they are there anyway, just in case I need them. ;)
With an ADD brain it is incredibly difficult to be organized. We over focus on some things, and on others it seems we are never able to focus enough to get a task even part way done. Without lists our lives would be chaos.
I feel like I'm always writing lists. I have a list of things I'd like to get accomplished today. There is a list of things that I need to finish this week. Another list tells me what needs to be done when the next pay cheque comes in. There is yet another list to remind me of people I am supposed to contact in the next few days. I have a list for almost everything.
Having a grocery list is normal. I write grocery lists. :) However, I also have 101 other lists to help me keep on task and not totally lose myself in something I enjoy. Of course, there are days when even a million lists wouldn't help me. *lol* But they are there anyway, just in case I need them. ;)
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
This may not seem like a big deal to those of you without AD/HD (which is the new all encompasing term for both ADD and ADHD)... but anyone with it will understand instantly. :)
I was able to clean my ENTIRE living room. Top to bottom. Walls, floors, nick nacks, furniture... all of it. And I did it without interuption. Without stopping after five minutes because I discovered 100 other things that needed doing. I spent a few hours cleaning, and working on one room. I completed a major task.
For those of you without AD/HD imagine this: You are beginning to clean your front room when you notice that one of your plants looks a little dry. You stop cleaning to water your plants. You are beginning to water your plants when you notice that there is a dead leaf on the floor. You stop watering the plants (leaving the pitcher right where you are) to start picking up the dead leaves on the plants and floor. You are starting to pick up the leaves on the floor when you notice that someone left their boots by the stairs. You go to put the boots away when you notice that the bathroom light is on. So the boots get left where they are as you go to turn off the bathroom light. You start walking to the bathroom when you notice that the dog is running past with mud on his paws. You take off after the dog to wipe his paws, and notice.... it just goes on like this forever. Never getting one thing finished. The list of things that need to be done just seems to keep getting longer and longer as you jump from one task to the next... never finishing what you'd started working on because something else has grabbed your focus.
I cleaned my living room. Top to bottom. And when it was done? I sat on my clean couch and had a nice glass of ice tea. Calm... Relaxed... And feeling like I'd finally accomplished something. :)
Boy... a little methylphenidate goes a long way. *lol*
Speaking of which. What a difference. :) I don't know how people put up with me before. *lmao* Seriously. When I've forgotten to take my pill on time, good grief, watch out. I just don't shut off. Yak, yak, yak. I really like the quiet normal me. It took some getting used to... I'd had such a busy brain for so very long... but it's really nice. I can get things finished, I'm not as fidgity, and I'm not nearly as flaky or flighty. *lol*
Right now, I'm taking a five mg dose roughly every five hours. If I forget to take it at the five hour mark watch out. *lol* I honestly don't notice the difference until I'm full blown back into the noise. DH will usually ask if I've forgotten to take my pill before I stop enough to realize I'm back in overdrive. I'll start yaking at a mile a minute about all sorts of things, jumping from topic to topic, all over the place... and unless he points it out, I really don't notice... just because I'm so used to it. I have to tell you though. I definitely prefer the me that I am with the medication over the me I am without it.
Once DH has pointed out that I'm back in ADD mode I really notice it... It doesn't feel right any more... not now that I know what it feels like to have a calm relaxed head. :)
I've got a doctors appointment today. So will ask about something to help with my over focusing. Seeing how nothing I'm taking now helps with that. Actually... when I'm over focusing on something is when I usually forget to take my pill. I just lose track of time, and suddenly it's been six hours from when I took my last pill and I'm just loopy. *lol*
We're (meaning DH and I) are going to see if we can find an alarm of some sort that can be set to go off every five hours. A reminder, and way to help me remember to take my next pill. I really have a small time frame in which to take it before I start reverting to my ADD self. I take a pill, and then five hours later I need to take another. If I don't... at about five hours and forty five minutes I'm a nut job again. :)
Oh, look at that. *lmao* Speak of the devil... the time has just blown by. I need to get ready to leave. Good thing DH walked in (he comes home for lunch) or I'd never have realized how late it had gotten. :) I'll write more another time.
Take care.
I was able to clean my ENTIRE living room. Top to bottom. Walls, floors, nick nacks, furniture... all of it. And I did it without interuption. Without stopping after five minutes because I discovered 100 other things that needed doing. I spent a few hours cleaning, and working on one room. I completed a major task.
For those of you without AD/HD imagine this: You are beginning to clean your front room when you notice that one of your plants looks a little dry. You stop cleaning to water your plants. You are beginning to water your plants when you notice that there is a dead leaf on the floor. You stop watering the plants (leaving the pitcher right where you are) to start picking up the dead leaves on the plants and floor. You are starting to pick up the leaves on the floor when you notice that someone left their boots by the stairs. You go to put the boots away when you notice that the bathroom light is on. So the boots get left where they are as you go to turn off the bathroom light. You start walking to the bathroom when you notice that the dog is running past with mud on his paws. You take off after the dog to wipe his paws, and notice.... it just goes on like this forever. Never getting one thing finished. The list of things that need to be done just seems to keep getting longer and longer as you jump from one task to the next... never finishing what you'd started working on because something else has grabbed your focus.
I cleaned my living room. Top to bottom. And when it was done? I sat on my clean couch and had a nice glass of ice tea. Calm... Relaxed... And feeling like I'd finally accomplished something. :)
Boy... a little methylphenidate goes a long way. *lol*
Speaking of which. What a difference. :) I don't know how people put up with me before. *lmao* Seriously. When I've forgotten to take my pill on time, good grief, watch out. I just don't shut off. Yak, yak, yak. I really like the quiet normal me. It took some getting used to... I'd had such a busy brain for so very long... but it's really nice. I can get things finished, I'm not as fidgity, and I'm not nearly as flaky or flighty. *lol*
Right now, I'm taking a five mg dose roughly every five hours. If I forget to take it at the five hour mark watch out. *lol* I honestly don't notice the difference until I'm full blown back into the noise. DH will usually ask if I've forgotten to take my pill before I stop enough to realize I'm back in overdrive. I'll start yaking at a mile a minute about all sorts of things, jumping from topic to topic, all over the place... and unless he points it out, I really don't notice... just because I'm so used to it. I have to tell you though. I definitely prefer the me that I am with the medication over the me I am without it.
Once DH has pointed out that I'm back in ADD mode I really notice it... It doesn't feel right any more... not now that I know what it feels like to have a calm relaxed head. :)
I've got a doctors appointment today. So will ask about something to help with my over focusing. Seeing how nothing I'm taking now helps with that. Actually... when I'm over focusing on something is when I usually forget to take my pill. I just lose track of time, and suddenly it's been six hours from when I took my last pill and I'm just loopy. *lol*
We're (meaning DH and I) are going to see if we can find an alarm of some sort that can be set to go off every five hours. A reminder, and way to help me remember to take my next pill. I really have a small time frame in which to take it before I start reverting to my ADD self. I take a pill, and then five hours later I need to take another. If I don't... at about five hours and forty five minutes I'm a nut job again. :)
Oh, look at that. *lmao* Speak of the devil... the time has just blown by. I need to get ready to leave. Good thing DH walked in (he comes home for lunch) or I'd never have realized how late it had gotten. :) I'll write more another time.
Take care.
Monday, February 17, 2003
Well Hmmm.... Have you ever just wished for silence? I have to admit, I was planning on logging in to write about one thing, but this is just demanding my attention far too much. Don't get me wrong... I love my laptop (it's a pretty blueberry iBook)... but this humming is driving me bonkers. It's really taking away from me focusing on much else. I wish it would just be quiet. It normally doesn't seem quite this loud, so I know it's just my head being odd. *lol* But it just seems so loud.
Darn computer hum....
Hmmm... you know what. I just can't focus on this right now. *lol* I haven't been able to focus on this since I started it. My brain is just not cooperating right now. I might as well give up, as there is no way I can write when I can't focus on it. The hum is starting to put me to sleep so I'm going to put my computer away for the time being. :) Have no fear though, I will be back later... when my head is cooperating. ;)
Darn computer hum....
Hmmm... you know what. I just can't focus on this right now. *lol* I haven't been able to focus on this since I started it. My brain is just not cooperating right now. I might as well give up, as there is no way I can write when I can't focus on it. The hum is starting to put me to sleep so I'm going to put my computer away for the time being. :) Have no fear though, I will be back later... when my head is cooperating. ;)
Sunday, February 16, 2003
I started on Methylphenidate (generic form of Ritalin) on January 22nd. The original dosage was too high, and sent me into a bizarre anxiety ridden ride. Here's a bit of an email I sent out while feeling totally not myself:
OMG! I took my first pill about a half an hour ago... This honestly feels so odd. I don't know what to do with myself. All the trains of thought... All the noise... All of the "stuff" that has constantly been going on in my brain at the speed of light my entire life... It's gone. It's just so quiet. My head is quiet. The million and one thoughts that are always there, always shooting through my head... it's just quiet. Is this what goes on in a "normal" persons brain? It's just so very quiet. :) This feels so weird. I'm not actually sure if I like it or not... It's just so very very different. It feels like someone elses brain has been transplanted into my head. It's so quiet. I mean... I hear the things going on around me... but those sounds and those sights, and the things going on around me aren't triggering a million different streams of thought. All my life it's felt like there were always at least three different voices, all telling stories and following thoughts at the same time. At any given moment I had several ideas all shooting through my brain. Now there is just one voice, and it's quiet, and not really sure what it should be doing. *lol* Does that sound all together crazy?"
Yep. All together crazy. *lol* Needless to say I've found the right dosage, and am feeling SOOOO much better. :) The methylphenidate has helped with all of the "brain noise". My head is quieter than it's ever been before. At first it really seemed to stifle the creative parts of me, and I was very stressed about my art and my writing as I wasn't sure I would be able to do either of these things while on this prescription.
I also had to "relearn" so many things. I found I no longer had an automatic pilot. I'd have to stop half way into making a peanut butter and banana sandwich to remember what happens after I take the bread out of the bag. *lol* I'm now again making sandwiches without a problem. ;)
While this prescription has helped me to stay on task, and actually finish things before jumping onto the next project, it hasn't helped with my tendency to over focus. Just last night I completely lost my evening. I started painting at shortly after eight p.m... felt like I'd only been working at it for about ten or fifteen minutes, but when I looked up it was 11:30. An hour and a half past the time I'm supposed to take my amitriptyline. *lol* So needless to say, this is something I still need to work around. ;)
I've started this blog to share what it's like inside my head. Along with physical disabilities, I also have ADD. I figure this is a good a way as any to record my musings. Most people don't realize what it's like to have your brain go 100 mph. To never know what quiet really is, because your head never really shuts off. Hopefully this blog will give people an insight as to what it's like to live with ADD.
